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2002 Millenium Awards

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Winners each receive a tube of haemorrhoid cream and a wire brush applicator. Prize recipients must come to where I live at their own expense to collect their prizes, which will be awarded (including the haemorrhoid cream application) at public ceremonies in a busy commercial district at lunchtime. I will arrange press and television coverage.

Award winners are invited to mention the award on their sites and to display the award graphics.

First Place – The Anus Maximus Award

Benny Hinn Ministries

When I first wrote about faith healer Benny Hinn, I said:

Benny Hinn is evidence that there is no God. For those who have been lucky enough to avoid this creature and don't know who he is, Hinn is a faith healer who pretends to cure people by calling on help from Jesus. He goes through the same old, tired ritual that all of these charlatans seem to use – calling up people from the audience, describing their terrible ailments, pushing them over into the arms of his accomplices, bellowing "Hallelujah!", and, of course, passing the plate around. The reason that I say that this is evidence that God does not exist is that any decent God would strike Hinn into a smouldering pile of slimy ashes for blasphemy, lying, and stealing money from desperate people.

Nothing I have seen by or about him since then has changed my opinion about Hinn. Amazingly, people seem to think that by criticising this charlatan I am somehow attacking God or Jesus or religion. This is similar nonsensical thinking as that which says that criticising some outrageous health fraud is an attack on all alternative medicine. Hinn has nothing to do with religion or God. Hinn is a thief who steals people's money and hopes by pretending to be a preacher. He gives religion a bad name.

Quote of the Year

Once again the competition for Quote of the Year was fought out by those opposed to vaccination and medicine. One contender was Jan Drew, who doesn't have a web site but spends a lot of time in alternative medicine newsgroups. Ms Drew almost had a winner with "Little do you know anything about the *10 Commandments* Jew Boy" (closely followed by a lame explanation of why that statement did not indicate bigotry) and had a second entry when she was asked if she was planning to pray for murderer Alan Yurko or the baby he murdered and gave the reply "the child is dead, there is no reason to pray for him". Meryl Dorey of the Australian Vaccination Network would have been in the running with her story of me sitting in the front row at a seminar and leaving early (statements made when she was fully aware that the person she was talking about was not me), but I have decided to disqualify things said about me personally from contention. For similar reasons I have disqualified a statement by Sheri Nakken who told me on a mailing list that "Women who have been raped don't want to be on a list with rapists or those who defend rapists and that is the class you are in" (she was defending the rights of a child murderer at the time). An almost certain winner was Pauline Rose who issued a statement about the NSW anti-quackery committee that contained the line "The Dwyer group is funded by Dick Smith" (the committee is funded by the state health department, and Mr Smith knew nothing about it), but she weasled away from the statement when its idiocy was pointed out to her. Finally, the award goes to Jaquelyn McCandless (who claims to be a real doctor) who, in a letter to Business Week promoting her books and chelation quackery business (where she pretends to cure autism), made the following outrageously untrue claim:

When mercury-poisoned children are treated with oral chelation agents to remove mercury (which we see pouring out in our urine laboratory studies) and make eye contact or speak words for the first time sometimes within days of starting treatment, it is clear what mercury does to the brain

Highly Commended

Martin Luther King Jr. – An Historical Examination

This site is some kind of cruel hoax or joke which could be taken by the naïve as being some kind of official King site. The email address of the webmaster is a clue that it is not what it seems, because it is impossible to imagine anyone with a email address speaking a word of truth about King (the webmaster's address is This site just reinforces the fact that racists, like other bigots, usually have to resort to character attack and deception because they can't offer any form of coherent intellectual argument for their position.

The Medical Escrow Society

Sick? Got insurance? If you have, The Medical Escrow Society will help you by buying your insurance policy so you can pay your quackery bills. Worried that there might not be anything left over to leave to the kids? Forget them! Where were they when you were getting cancer? Out having grandchildren, I suppose. There is an old saying: "You can't take it with you". Most people realise this, and are quite happy to leave their worldly possessions behind for the benefit of their heirs. Many people buy life insurance so that their children will not be left destitute and all the bills can be paid. Many people also just like to think that their children will have a better life than they had, and the inheritance is a final gift towards that better life. The Medical Escrow Society has a different maxim: "You won't need it after you've gone". Their business is to buy life insurance policies (at a discount of course) so that elderly or sick people can pay their medical and quackery bills.

Non Pharmaceutical Health Care and Unique Water

This site received four pages of free advertising in a high-circulation Australian magazine. Over the next few days, the magic water was featured on two high-rated evening television "current affairs" programs, a top-rating daytime lifestyle show, and some more follow-up stories in the Sydney Morning Herald. The result of this concerted public relations campaign was the sale of almost $2 million dollars over the next week. From a small bottling factory. For water.

Encouragement Awards

CLONAID – the first human cloning company

What a con job! The Raelians managed to get enormous publicity around the world at the end of 2002 with their ridiculous claim that they had cloned a human being. Credulous reporters competed with each other to write the story for newspapers or tell it on television. News editors ran around trying to get exclusive scoops with the first pictures. Millions of dollars worth of free publicity was generated, publicity which will encourage vain, stupid and excessively-wealthy people to give money to this bunch of whackos. And what happened when the "cloners" were asked for some evidence? They suddenly found out that the "parents" wanted privacy! This just tells us what sensible people knew all along – there is no clone, there are only lies. Still, such ingenuity needs encouraging, which is why they have received this award.

American Pie and the Armageddon Bible Prophecy

Who would ever have thought that an up-until-then obscure guitar player named Don McLean would have been the major prophet of his age, and would bring to us all the message that damnation was upon us if we did not mend our ways? I have seen him and he does not appear to be the harbinger of the doom that awaits us if we do not smite the heathens hip and thigh and all turn our faces towards the one true Saviour. He sits there in the spotlight, singing gentle songs about mad painters and dead pop singers (or so we thought!), all the while giving us a message from God that is as strong as the Ten Commandments. There is one true faith. There is one true belief. All else is lies and a path to damnation and perdition. (Oops! I almost said "purgatory" there! Wouldn't want to be too Catholic.)

KKK Art Gallery

You would think that the opportunities to create great works of art based on the history and traditions of the Ku Klux Klan would be almost limitless, but when you go to their art gallery you find only three pictures. This is very disappointing, and is why they have been given an Encouragement Award. They need to try harder next year to build the collection to the point where the curators of the great galleries of the world are competing to hang the originals. That's hang the paintings, of course, not the artists or their fellow Klansmen.




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