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2004 Millenium Awards

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Winners each receive a tube of haemorrhoid cream and a wire brush applicator. Prize recipients must come to where I live at their own expense to collect their prizes, which will be awarded (including the haemorrhoid cream application) at public ceremonies in a busy commercial district at lunchtime. I will arrange press and television coverage.

Award winners are invited to mention the award on their sites and to display the award graphics.

First Place – The Anus Maximus Award
Anus Maximus Award 2004

National Child Abuse Defense & Resource Center

I think that this may be the most offensive web site in the world. Its reason for existence is to deny the reality of Shaken Baby Syndrome and other forms of child abuse and to offer support and succour to anyone accused of child abuse. To the mad woman who runs it, Barbara Bryan, there seems to be no possibility that anyone could harm a child, except the evil vaccine manufacturers of course. In her insanity, she says things like "physics-based research in varying disciplines" shows that "SBS theory does not comport with laws of nature". What is "SBS theory"? It is not a theory that shaking a child is harmful, it is not a theory that certain damage to children is caused by rapid acceleration. The laws of nature might be different in her universe, but out here in the real world violence kills children. How could anyone hate children as much as vermin like Bryan does? How can she look in a mirror without vomiting?

Quote of the Year

Professor Boyd Haley

The quote of the year was actually a phrase. At a meeting in June 2004 of the political group Doctors for Disaster Preparedness, Dr Boyd Haley used the expression "mad child disease" to refer to autism and attention deficit disorder, and repeated his nonsensical claims that these disorders are caused by mercury. When he was challenged to apologise for this disgusting use of language he refused and instead retrospectively invented an acronym. He claims that what he really said was not "mad child disease" but "M.A.D. child disease", which just happens to sound the same when you say it. "M.A.D." stands for "Mercury Acquired Disease of children". Not only did he refuse to apologise, but he threatened to sue anyone who asked him to do so.

Dr Haley is a Professor and Chair of the Department of Chemistry at the University of Kentucky. Had he not won this award for his revolting remark about autism, he would have won for demonstrating his lack of knowledge of chemistry and his ability to say whatever he thought best at the time if he was discussing the dangers of mercury. The two quotes below show that he either doesn't know the difference between an element and a compound containing that element or he just doesn't care:

  • "mercury is 49.59% of the weight of thimerosal"
  • "thimerosal, a preservative containing 49.6% ethyl mercury"

Highly Commended
Highly Commended 2004

Westboro Baptist Church (God Hates Fags)

This site was given an Encouragement Award in 1999, and this year that encouragement has paid off and the site is in a new category. This was achieved by the effort put in by Pastor Fred Phelps after the tsunami which devastated the countries around the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004. Fred put the blame straight onto God. He issued two press releases, one headed "Thank God for Tsunami & 2,000 dead Swedes", and one headed "Thank God for Tsunami. Thank God for 3,000 dead Americans!". Here is Rev Fred on why God sent the tsunami. Remember that Phelps is a Christian.

The tsunami was an adumbration of the wrath of God, a harbinger of things to come: that Great Day of Judgment. Amos 3:6 "Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?" That word translated "evil" there is means distress, misery, injury, calamity. The answer, of course, to the rhetorical question posed in this verse is a resounding "NO!" See also Romans 1:18 "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;" And you wonder if this is the wrath of God? The lands affected by this judgment from God aren't just full of idolatry; we're talking about places (think Thailand) that are hot spots where American businessmen travel for the express purpose of fornicating with young Asian children. It is a thriving industry over there; many of these girls are taken into that business when they are seven years old or younger. "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:" Col 3:5-6. And you wonder if this is the wrath of God? Not to mention the fact that those Asian countries weren't the only ones affected by the tsunami. Do you realize that among the dead and missing are 3,500 Swedes and over 3,000 Americans? Sweden, who recently jailed a Gospel preacher for a month because he preached Bible verses and sentiments about the abomination that is the homosexual lifestyle from his own pulpit to his own congregation. America, who is awash in diseased fag feces & semen, and is an apostate land of the sodomite damned. And you wonder if this is the wrath of God?

Cancer Monthly: The Source for Cancer Treatment Results

The 2000 Anus Maximus Award was given to people who were using a dying child to advertise for a cancer quack, in that case Dr Stan Burzynski. I mentioned at the time that another site had just missed out on the award. The one which came in second was a supposed memorial site to a boy who died of cancer but it was really an advertising site for Burzynski's quackery clinic. It might surprise normal, sane people that anyone would exploit the death of their own child in an advertising campaign for a client, but the father of the dead boy turned up next writing PR material for baby-killer Alan Yurko so we can be assured that he had neither a conscience nor any sense of morality.

The father has a new project, Cancer Monthly, which is going to provide a database of information about cancer and its various treatments and cures. You might say that this is a noble goal, but you can rest assured that no treatment for any form of cancer which is even remotely likely to work will be listed there except by accident or as the single exception to be produced whenever the site is criticised. This project is driven by a man who hates medicine so much that he was prepared to use his son's death to promote quackery. The site will accept advertising, but not from drug companies or hospitals specialising in cancer treatment, or, presumably anyone else who might know what they are talking about.

Encouragement Awards
Encouragement Award 2004

Sylvia Browne

Immediately after the Indian Ocean tsunami tragedy in December 2004 I wrote to the famous psychic Sylvia Browne to ask her why nobody was warned. I received no answer, but the following appeared on her web site:

In October 2004 on the Montel Williams Show, Sylvia advised viewers to avoid travel to India due to safety concerns. On December 26th Sylvia's prediction was validated when a tsunami devastated India. Sylvia further warns that travel to the region will not be safe for another 6 months due to health issues (water purity, disease) created in the aftermath of the tsunami.

Anyone who had seen or read the news would have know that only a psychic clutching at straws would say that the tsunami "devastated India". It affected a very small part of the southern tip of the country, but had no effect on the main tourist destinations or the commercial, agricultural or manufacturing areas. Saying that the tsunami devastated India is equivalent to saying that the most recent hurricanes to do damage in Florida devastated the USA. I would be much more impressed if Sylvia could point to a prediction advising people not to go to Banda Aceh. Surely the death toll there would have made a bigger ripple in whatever forces in the universe she uses to predict the future.

Betting scams
Foxtab and Premium Strategies

This Encouragement Award is being given jointly to the betting scam operators Foxtab and Premium Strategies in the hope that in their next incarnations (and they will return with new faces) they take more care with their brochures and avoid the lies which are so obvious that even a cursory glance brings them out as if they have been marked with yellow highlighter. While the creation of a fake accounting firm to provide a testimonial was a stroke of genius, I would hope that more care will be taken next time to cover up this sort of invention.

The Creation Research Society
The Van Andel Creation Research Center

I was writing an obituary of Jay Van Andel, one of the crooks who got all the money that was supposed to make Amway distributors rich by not working for a boss, and I remembered that he wasted some of his immense fortune by funding the Van Andel Creation Research Center. This enterprise immediately reminded me of the Grand Academy of Lagado from the book Gulliver's Travels by Jonathon Swift.

In another part of that book, Swift tells of how the astronomers on the flying island of Laputia had:

discovered two lesser stars, or satellites, which revolve around Mars, whereof the innermost is distant from the center of the primary exactly three of his diameters, and the outermost five: the former revolves in the space of ten hours, and the latter in twenty-one and a half

Swift wrote this in 1726, but it was not until 1877 that Asaph Hall discovered the two moons of Mars. It seems that Swift was not only prescient in his thoughts on astronomy but he also had an insight into the sort of research projects which would attract the money of a religiously bigoted, amoral twentieth century billionaire.




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