Quintessence of the Loon

Previous monthNext monthJuly 2000

Imagine all the people, sharing all the worldSongs from Beyond added 29 July 2000
I was about to say "Now I've heard everything", but that would obviously be untrue as we now have a way to hear songs written by dead people after they die. This raises some interesting legal questions. Some years ago I wrote a book and I wanted to open it with a few words from John Lennon's Imagine but Michael Jackson (who owns John's words) would not give permission. So what is Whacko Jacko going to do about this site? Does he own the songs here too? Linda Polley has a whole CD full of Lennon songs to put out as soon as she finds a producer, and I am looking forward to her forthcoming tour with Buddy Holly, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Miles Davis. Now, there's a band for you. Giuseppe Verdi will produce the souvenir CD and Picasso's doing the t-shirts.

[The picture of John comes from The Internet Beatles Album by Dave Harber Thanks, Dave.]

Who's off this rocker?Extra
Terry J. Hokanson Lives Under the Mafia! added 29 July 2000

The chair in the picture looks like a rocker. There is nobody on it. This can only mean that someone is off his rocker. The first question is: "Who"? And what is the mystery of the fifty-billion dollar fold-out mansion? Is it where you store all the furniture?

Nobody locked up these daughters.The Way by the Daughters of Ma added 29 July 2000
I was never good at history when I was at school. I put that down to the sorts of books I had to read. Dry, dusty tomes full of stories that didn't sound quite right about unlikely people and places. All that talk about kings and queens, peasants and nobles, Greeks and Romans, presidents and prime ministers, exploration and exploitation, revolutions, evolutions, wars, whores, monks, drunks, politics and knavish tricks. None of it made any sense. It wasn't until I came across this work that I understood why I had been so unsatisfied. Here for the first time I saw the context for all that history. A masterpiece.

While you are there, don't forget to check out the voyages of Ingo Swann who explored Jupiter, among other places. I'm convinced. And to think that all those old history books talked about people like James Cook and Ferdinand Magellan as if they were real explorers. Anybody can find Australia, New Zealand and Hawaii or a way to sail around the world, but what are these "achievements" compared to surveying the planets?

This site was moved from one free hosting service to another but some of the links still point to the old domain name, so navigation can be a bit confusing and fraught with 404s. Perhaps this was a way of preserving history. PB March 2002

Loon of the Month

Richard Milton might look like a certainty for Loon of the Month as he seems to believe anything (provided that some scientist doesn't believe it), but he disqualified himself by flattering me on a public mailing list. I am not for sale (well, I probably am, but he didn't offer enough). Linda Polley was a strong runner because, by channelling John Lennon, she has helped me get revenge on Michael Jackson. I hope Jacko turns green (if it's a colour he hasn't used already).

The winner is the Pentagrammation Rituals, just because I can't figure out what is going on there but there seems to be a loon and some quintessence and everyone is having such a good time.

What DOES this mean?Pentagrammation Rituals added 22 July 2000
This site would have been listed here anyway, just because it is about a play which has a character called "The Loon" and another one called "The Alchemist" who seems to be looking for his quintessence. Apart from that, I have no idea what it is about. There are lots of people in fancy dress who seem to be doing something. There are other people in fancy dress who seem to be having things done to them. There are people with no dress behaving in ways which would probably cause your maiden aunt to chew the top off a bottle of Jim Beam. There are people with strange headdresses on. Thankfully, there are no frogs or unicorns. The picture at right is the most understandable thing on the site, and it means about as much as the texture on a taco.

[Warning: there are a couple of images on this site which may really send your maiden aunt into the vapours. Make her look with her eyes closed. Actually, this site might offend everyone. It could be the most outrageous piece of blasphemy (with a hint of pornography) on the 'net, or it could just be the work of a pack of drunken fruitcakes with a camera and too much time on their hands. You be the judge. I'm off to sacrifice a platypus and eat its spleen.]

Cast out those demons.Alert
End-time Deliverance Center added 22 July 2000

Quick! Save yourself from the demons! Don't go mountain climbing or bungee jumping. Throw away your frogs and slaughter all your unicorns. I won't tell you again.

I'm sorry I didn't ask if I could use this picture, really I am.International Association of Past Life Therapists added 22 July 2000
Do you want a new job? Sick of the boss and the office politics and the commute each way each day? Here's your chance at a whole new career as a Past Life Therapist. This means you can take people back into their past lives to see what causes their problems today. But wait, there's more! You can also learn how to become a Psychic Counselor, so you can fix up people's spirits. (I knew a bartender once who could fix real good spirits.) But wait, there's more (and a set of steak knives). You can even take on that highly-in-demand speciality, ET Abduction Counseling, and help people put their lives back together after they get back from the probatorium.

[There is a really strong warning on this site about using any words or graphics from it. The ETs made me do it. I must need counseling.]

Yet it moves.The Earth Is Not Moving added 15 July 2000
I often mention popular songs here because the words of the classics reflect the zeitgeist. That is what makes them both popular and classics. Sometimes, however, even the best lyricists can get it wrong. An example is "That Old Black Magic" which has been recorded by everyone who has ever entered a recording studio (although I hope to die before I hear the Rolling Stones version). Where Johnny Mercer missed was when he wrote "round and round I go, in a spin, lovin' that spin that I'm in" because, as one look at this site will show, we are not spinning anywhere but are just hanging about in space with everything going on about us.

A few more planets have been discovered since the illustration was first prepared in 1588. I can't find Tycho Brahe's web site, but I assume he has added Pluto, Neptune and Uranus and updated his model and calculations since then.

Richard Milton - the Alternative ScientistAlternative Science added 15 July 2000
"They laughed at Galileo". Richard Milton does not actually say these words, but he shows every sign of believing in the principle. Apparently lots of loony ideas should be given careful consideration because some good ideas of the past took some time to become accepted and some were even declared nonsense by people who should have known better (or who, in many cases, had no access to what we know today). I had to think about that for a minute, but then it became clear to me - in the past some scientists were right but other scientists said they were wrong and some were wrong when they said others were wrong therefore today some scientists are right because other scientists say they are wrong and other scientists are wrong because they say the first lot are wrong. And the first law of thermodynamics is not universal constitutional law and can be overturned at any time without us all having to vote on it because it is just a precedent and tradition. And I know cold fusion works because it is winter here and the fuse just blew and my heater stopped working and I am cold. Perhaps my cat will perform an act of Spontaneous Feline Combustion and warm the place up.

There were giants among menThe Nephilim Resistance Task Force added 8 July 2000
It always pays to be ready for the future. Here's an organisation which is getting ready to defend us from the Nephilim, or giants, who have been around since Adam and Eve started creative gardening and herpetology. You see, everyone thought that the giants who were around in those days had gone away, but the NRTF knows that they have just been hiding, biding their time until the appointed day and hour when they will arise from wherever they are and we will be thrown into pitched battle with these spawns of evil. The battles will be furious and blood will run like rivers. Respect will be restored to the practitioners of the ancient arts, men will again be able to say proudly to their sons: "I am a slayer", and women will be able to again openly offer fruit to their lovers. Snakes will walk again with pride.

Mad and proud!Mad Pride added 8 July 2000
Would it be tasteless of me to draw attention to an organisation called "Mad Pride" who have modelled themselves on Gay Pride and want to have street marches and demonstrations and awareness-rasing functions? Of course it would be tasteless, but I have decided to place all responsibility onto you, the viewer. I am simply a conduit, and the choice is yours as to whether you wish to avail yourself of what is on offer. I am non-judgemental, and will not think any less of you if you click on the link. In any case, today is the first day of Mad Pride Week. I know that it is unusual to start one of those "XYZ Weeks" on a Saturday, but that decision fits the concept.

[Note to potential complainers: Someone close to me has a psychiatric disorder. She wants to get better and thinks that marching for mad rights is an offensive expression that I am surprised she knows at her age.]

Quintessential advertising policy

Back to Quintessence of the Loon. Email the
Copyright 1998 - Peter Bowditch